Need Sleep

I am not a morning person. I never have been and I probably never will be. I usually stumble out of bed looking like an extra from a zombie movie as I search for the shower (instead of brains). This would not be so much of a problem if it was not for the other thing I have never been; a coffee person. Because of this my main method of communication during the first few hours of the day is a mix of grunting and yawning, usually in reply to conversations that I am not awake enough to understand in the first place.

I have not helped matters recently by ignoring the suggested cure for tiredness, sleep. Over the last few nights (few meaning weeks) I’ve tried to maximize my waking hours (waking meaning computer gaming) by staying awake longer into the early hours of the morning. However, this has backfired on me and it is now harder to stay awake during the traditional time for being conscious, the day. Even as I type this I am finding it hard to control my yawning and resist the pillow like invitingness of my keyboard. In fact, am I typing this or only dreaming of typing?

I have diagnosed the symptom of my stubbiness when it comes to bed time as Bachelor-itus or (as it is better known by its more common name) Single-male-itus. Insomnia fueled computer game playing is not the only side effect of this condition.

Other known symptoms include:

• A growing cultivation of beer in the fridge
• An increase in the kitchen curry paste count
• An out brake of the interior design method known as ‘guy’s place’
• The inability to be in a room with out a computer or games console without feeling weak

(At this point in typing I had to stop and take a nap)

For a long time a girl-friend or wife was believed to be the cure for this condition but recent research has uncovered that this only treats some of the symptoms and not the course. This condition can still be controlled but if it goes un-checked it can develop into the rather more serous Mid-life-crises-itus. If this should occur the surgeon general strongly advises against the use of so called ‘alternative treatment’ such as buying a sports car or motorbike.

I have a long way to go before I reach this stage but I still need to sort out my slumber pattern before the sleep deprivation hallucinations start to set in or my blog entries become a collection of random letters as I pass out on the keyboard. If only I could use the computer while sleeping.

Anyone want to read me a bed time story?