It's Alive

A few weeks ago I posted about the excessive amount of entertainment technology we have in the house which is all networked together in some form or another. I joked about the possibility of it all combining one day to form a single self aware conscience with evil plans of global domination.

That day has come. The artificial intelligence I only joked about has emerged.

It all started two weeks ago when my flat mate brought an X-Box 360 games console home. Neither of us suspected that it would be the final peace of the puzzle, the brain the network of technology needed to evolve. When we found out it was too late to put a stop to it. As soon as it was hooked up a conscience started to form.

What is this newly formed super intelligence doing you might ask? Has it already hacked into the American defence system and firer missiles at Russia? Is it going to create an army of time travelling cyborgs? No, it is doing none of these things. It is blogging.

The X-Box 360 includes an automated system for writing and posting blog entries about users gaming habits on their profile page. Since I set up my own profile it has been posting about me for a few days now.

360 Post: “InvaderStu really threw down yesterday. It was good to see! I wish you could have been there! Last time I checked, his gamer score is 220. That is a gain of 45 points over last time!”

A lot of the early entries were positive like this but as you can see from the posts that followed (and my reactions) the relationship started to take a turn.

360 Post: “He played EA SPORTS FN 3, Call of Duty 2, and after that powered me down without even saying good night. I mean what the hell?”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings but it was late and I had a headache. I tried to get into the mood but I just didn’t have the energy. I’ll make it up to you later I promise.”

360 Post: “Ok so I didn't see InvaderStu yesterday... Come to think of it, things were really quiet all day... hey wait a minute... I better not be at the repair shop! If I am, some heads are gonna roll!”

“What happened to all the nice things you were saying about me? I'd had a hard day at work and did not have time to play. You're not going to turn violent on me are you? Is this going to become a relationship built on fear? Please don’t hurt me.”

360 Post: “My power supply almost exploded! InvaderStu turned on the juice and we did some serious gaming!”

“Steady on. This is starting to sound almost sexual. I know I have not been there for you over the last few days and I like you as a games console but I think this relationship is moving too fast. We both had some fun. Can we leave it at that? I don’t want to get too involved and tied down to one games console. I guess what I’m trying to say is… I think we should play other games. I’m sorry.”

This means the X-Box 360s might soon be posting about how I’ve been seeing ‘that PS2 harlot’ behind its back. In a fit of jealousy it will probably delete all my saved games and cut all the cords to my non-wireless controllers. Luckily for me it does not have easy access to an ice pick or an understanding of male anatomy.

(I would like to thank everyone who suggested checking out Illustrator after my cartoon post. It’s a great program and I am currently I’m working on re-drawing Cartoon Stu with it. Thank you)